Wednesday, February 20, 2008

I am officially a slum lord!

I am supposed to meet my renter tonight at my house at 6:15 pm to give her the keys.

I tried every way I could think of to avoid having to do this hand-off in person, I even tried to get her to pickup the keys via an unlocked door by herself.

Second thought, that didn't seem like a good idea.

I just have this problem with crying in front of people I don't know.

The act of handing somebody the keys to my house so they can LIVE there will feel like ripping my heart out.

Will she appreciate those wood floors I had done?

Does she care that the back room took me two months and one strange friendship with a Ukranian man to complete?

Does she know what it's like to try to sleep in while there are 5 guys walking around on your roof pounding in new shingles?

Was it her that stood there and watched a back hoe dig the side yard up and pour cement?

Did she hospice her sick old cat for two years in that house?

Does she have anything to do with all the perennials and miscellaneous plants in the front?

Was it her OCD that made her trim every blade of grass every single Saturday every single summer? Nope.

Does she care that I spent $250 on that stupid mission porch light?

Did she surf the web for days looking for just the right mailbox to fit in an impossibly small but that's where I want to put it spot?

Did she wait all day for some guy to show up and hookup the new gas fireplace?

Was it her that cleaned up after the 'we clean up after our jobs' plumbers when they put in all new copper and a hot water heater? Uh, no.

Did she wonder what the hell the guy meant when he said he had to put his snake in her main drain?

Was it her that celebrated by dancing around the entire house at 2am after kicking out her dead beat omg we've been divorced for a year already get the hell out ex-husband?? No, I don't think so.

Will she make new memories in my house? Probably.

Will I cry every time I hear about it? Yep.

Will I fall apart if she tells me she went to the Palladium to see a movie then ate dinner at Little Tree? Yes.

Will she thank me when she blows all her money because she lives 10 minutes from my mall? Probably not.

Instead of harboring any hatred, I decided that I will take her rent checks and deposit them. I am even going to leave a bottle of champagne in the refrigerator for her big move in.

Maybe she won't see thru me.

She keeps telling me how excited she is. Yeah I bet you are sweetheart. No, you can't use the back room as your bedroom stupid.

I bequeath to her the stalker dude from 2 doors down. Oh come on, he is harmless!

I just hope I can control my overwhelming urge to move her couch to the right spot because you know she won't put it where it belongs :)

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