Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Summer Classes for Men

Summer Classes for Men
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Friday, August 17th 2008


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?
--Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor
--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Dishwasher?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM
Location to be determined

Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours
beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the a above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Holding the Sun

Princess holding the sunset on Lake Michigan.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I heart July

Daddy and Princess, playing in the sand at the beach. Sunshine, light breeze, a typical day on the Great Lakes.

Check out those bulging arm muscles. I think those pipes are about to burst.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

If I can do it YOU can do it

I have never been a crafty person. Cannot. Sew. Period. End. Of. Story.
But wait...

I am a person who, when I put my mind to it, I will figure out a way to get anything done. Anything.

I have always hated to ask people to sew for me (mother, Asian dry cleaning lady, tailor guy who groped me, etc.). Finally caved and took myself to Sears, purchased a Kenmore sewing machine . Read the instructions, actually got it threaded. If you are looking to learn, check out the reviews on it.

Went to Joann Fabrics and got this really cool plaid fabric that goes very well with my bedroom paint. Half off. Uh huh, that's right.

No pattern. I was inspired by The Nester to just wing it. Sew some hems, some edges, the top, a hole for the rod. Then wa la... (yes, those are verticle blinds underneath, shut up - they are going soon).

Can't even believe it. I am so proud of myself. Then I made a matching valance for the attached master bath (the paint is a few shades lighter in there). I even got fancy and put on a fringe. I had to rip this fringe out of the ladies hands at Joann's when she started to ogle it just a little too much.

Mine sucka.

I highly recommend using a plaid pattern to learn to sew on. It made straight lines a no brainer, even for me. And, the Kenmore model 15343 sewing machine.