Maddness of Me

Two year anniversary, already

2009-08-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

Today marks mine and Mr. Right's two year anniversary. This occasion has been celebrated with some Godiva chocolate and there will be an after work Swedish massage rendezvous (thinking I can get his back waxed while there). Further celebrating to resume next weekend at a Saugatuck (Michigan) bed and breakfast.

Don't tell Mr. Right (not that he cares)... but two years also marks the start of my impure thoughts about this man. Eric Bana.

Stops me dead in my tracks every time I see him.

-- Post From My iPhone

You can put lipstick on a pig...

2009-03-14T07:34:00.000-07:00

I married That Guy. That Guy, who is so not metrosexual that it is a source of humor and sadness for me, at the same time. He's the guy who shops at Kohls for Dockers, or Men's Warehouse, or (ugh) JC Penney. He thinks this is what makes him look not douchey. He has also been saying he's a 50 year old man, since he was 41. Still not 50 dude. You probably got it now, I don't need to mention the bizarre eyebrows.

But what I don't understand is that he works in Marketing. Aren't these usually the guys that know better?

(ps: my cat is munching his toe nails behind me right now as I type, I'm trapped by gross men)

So last week I swear I heard angels singing. Mr. Right was offered a job after his 9 week hiatus (aka playing Call to Duty on the Wii and naps at 6:30 pm). This offer is to work at a European car company, in Marketing...

he came to me and said (I should have been warned here because I actually lost my breath) that he needed me to take him shopping to pick out some more "hip" clothes. Apparently, things are different at EUROPEAN car companies. I decided to downplay it and tell him that the fact he used the word hip, meant it was going to be painful. I clarified "you don't mean 'hip replacement clothes' right?"... "we're talking... Club Monaco, Banana, Nordstrom... right?".

Since that conversation, I have been trying not to scare it. I'm being gentle. Today is the day we should go shopping, but I'm going to wait for him to come and sniff my hand. I'm careful not to look him directly in the eye, just be patient. Sometimes it's best to go slow with the feral ones.

Do cheeseburgers cause tumors?

2009-03-07T14:02:00.000-08:00

A while back I wrote about my fear of doctors, and hospitals. I'm not going to link back to it because I'm too afraid to.

At the time, I was having an ultrasound. No extraordinary issues there.

I may have been having some sort of strange insight to the future though because there is about to be some funny blog fodder coming. Or at least I hope it's lots of fun. I am going to have an MRI on Monday which is a prelude to UFE. Heard of it? Uterine Fibroid Embolization. Should be fun.

A very Doogie Howzer looking young man will be performing this procedure. He has no idea yet that I will be refusing the catheter they describe in the brochure. I just got used to the idea of staying in the hospital overnight, getting a brazilian wax before, the cheeseburger I plan to send Mr. Right to fetch for me from the Red Coat Tavern across the street, and the pain meds they have promised me. I was on a roll and they had to go and kill it by mentioning the word "catheter".

Worst word in the English language.

My plan is to not take in any fluids for 3 days before the procedure so that I'm so dehydrated that the nurse takes pity on me.

That's my dream anyway. If I'm up to it, I may blog from the hospital. If I don't grab my fuzzy slippers and escape that is.

or, how we gear up for Valentine's Day around here

2009-02-11T19:28:00.001-08:00

When I got home from work tonight, I didn't even notice the dishes on the counters, or the full dishwasher, or the mess on the stove, or the toilet seat left up with kitty taking a drink, or Mr. Right pretending to be looking for a job on his Macbook.

I headed right to our bedroom to relax.

A minute later, it was the last straw. I was about to rip into Mr. Right for leaving his smelly clothes on the floor... when I noticed they were arranged in a heart shape.

He seriously does love me.

I envy her moxy

2009-01-09T13:28:00.000-08:00

We have a cute little 10 gallon fish tank. We have some mollies, a swordtail, a guppy, three albino catfish because I like saying albino catfish, and two small fish that sortof glow. The fish that live here are happy, except for when my cat Oliver torments them.

We have one orange swordtail fish. A female. We had a male too, but she went all black widow on him. Can't say I blame her. He probably sweated on the machine she wanted to use at Bally's and didn't wipe up after himself. I envy her moxy.

A short while after the male was found murdered and an autopsy was done, three tiny little baby swordtails showed up in the tank that look just like girl swordtail. Some time goes by, they grow into bigger babies.

Then today, I notice MORE swordtail babies. Tiny little newborn babies. How can this be? The male was executed. What the?

I asked Mr. Right how did this happen, and he actually.... ASKED ME IF I HAVE EVER HAD A SCIENCE CLASS. I almost went all black widow myself, but internalized it instead. I repeated, "there is only one swordtail, a female". Then I heard some mumbling about how swordtails breed with mollies?

I'm no fish expert, but I know this is the equivalent of a cat breeding with a dog. In science class, don't they teach you that doesn't happen?

I love google. Right away I found what I was looking for and sent this email to Mr. Right when I got to work.

So the swordtail does not breed with other types of fish... but, they are
livebearers and if you read at the very end of this article
"a month after the first batch expect another batch from the same female. Female
livebearers store sperm in a pouch for several months and can continue to have
fry without being near another male"

In your face.

Then I did my best George Jefferson swagger all the way to lunch.

Random Thoughts Friday

2009-01-09T11:07:00.000-08:00

The Gingerbread Latte at Starbucks is now called the GingerSNAP latte. They have something against bread.

There is really a Chevy Chase Boulevard. Life makes sense now.

I don't eat blue jelly beans. What flavor is blue? It's not blueberry. What is that?

I don't like Christmas wrapping paper with any blue on it. It seems wrong. No, I'm not prejudice against Jewish people.

Only Princess Di could ever pull off blue eyeshadow.

Does it count if you just eat the custard out of a donut?

My New Year's Resolution is to give up Trader Joe's Nutty American Trek Mix. Hold me.

If Mr. Right asks me if I ever took a science class again, I may punch him.

People say there is a grace period after the expiration date on dairy. I'm not ready to live life on that edge.

"Latin is a dead language I always say" Rushmore, 1997

"These are OR scrubs, I just came from work" Rushmore, 1997

"O R they!" Rushmore, 1997

My favorite movie of all time is Rushmore (Jason Schwartzman and Bill Murray, 1997)

I could have married a UPS driver

2008-12-31T09:40:00.000-08:00

You may remember that new headboard. I ordered some lights for the inside of it so that I wouldn't miss the functionality of the old skank headboard. I'm sentimental that way.

Off topic, there is a wall switch in our bedroom that I have been asking Mr. Right to replace for... 2 months now. I think he has been too busy being off work because he hasn't been able to fit it into his schedule. He does have a grueling tour with Call of Duty on the Wii so I totally understand.

However, when the lights showed up in the mail today (I know this via the wonderful UPS tracking website), I sent Mr. Right an email from work asking him to leave the box alone because I would like to supervise that installation.

This triggered an argument that I am not the boss of him and he is getting his tools now to do the installing.

This is what I like to call an epiphany. I need to rethink my whole approach. Rubbing meatloaf on items that need repairing is not the way to go.

An open letter to hair stylists

2008-12-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

Dear Husband's Hair Stylist,

When you are cutting Mr. Right's hair, please don't out of the blue say to him "so are you going to go home and take a shower after this?", then just roll your eyes when he looks at you blankly and asks you if that was a suggestion.

Because, then I have to deal with a night of obsessive questions about what he smells like. Of course I didn't help when I said "you don't smell bad, per say...", but I was starting to feel like I have a high maintenance husband, and I'm the only one who is allowed to be high maintenance. Sure, I know you people are just more personal in the way you perform your profession than the average person. I get it because every single time I am getting my hair done, my stylist is on her period and likes to describe it to me in detail. However, Mr. Right is a hetero guy and not street wise in the ways of the stylist.

Thanks, alot.

kisses.

Emergency purchase

2008-12-22T13:26:00.000-08:00

We have been married for 16 months now. From day one, there was something about the headboard that came with Mr. Right's king size water bed that I could not stand. Never could put my finger on it, so I put off buying a new one. I figured it was in our bedroom, out of the way, there were other things that were more important to tackle. A vibrating barcalounger for one.

Still, it haunted me.

I would walk by it, stop. Ponder. Was it the mirror in the middle? No. Well, that wasn't the biggest factor. I was down with that.

Was it the wood grain veneer? Not... exactly.

Was it the built in lights? No, I kinda liked that for reading at night.

Was it the built in shelves? No. I surprisingly had become a bookshelf headboard convert.

Then one day I was cleaning (it happens). I discovered it. CANDLE WAX on our marriage bed. Uh, we have never had candles in the bedroom.

I went online immediately and ordered this. It came and within hours Mr. Right was putting it together and the old headboard is now firewood.

From the Bedrooms N More website I submit to you the Skank Free Bookshelf Headboard:

Marriage Detroit Style

2008-12-17T10:13:00.000-08:00

You are about to read something very personal about my husband. I promised when I started blogging that I would stay away from certain personal topics. But my mood has changed, the economy has gone very sour, and I don't give a crap anymore.

You may have noticed his job was eliminated. Since we live in a Detroit suburb, I will give you 3 guesses who he worked for, indirectly. Funny thing is, his company is in Austin, TX. So no matter where you are, what you are watching on TV has touched us all and is ~~very scary~~ horrifying.

His plan. To work a contract job for 6 months or so until things improve. Our definition of "things improve" has verbage about Mr. Bush leaving office. I say that as kindly as I can, within an hour of taking my meds.

He is a project manager for automotive online marketing. Snooze fest. In other words, he tells website developers what to do. He has a huge ego. He will probably read this comment and only notice the word 'huge', and see a compliment.

Here is a little insight to our marriage, and how we communicate, Detroit style. He was contacted by a recruiter and sent me this email.

I bet oral that I will have this job. I will get called this week for an interview and I will have the assignment by the first of the year.
That is assuming GM gets bailed.

I know. You want to move here and get a piece of that action, don't you.

It's called Frankenmuth

2008-12-15T09:31:00.001-08:00

On Saturday, we had our second annual family Christmas outing. Last year it was a Christmas tree farm, but this year in honor of the bad economy we decided to put up our anorexic fake tree. Somehow it seems fitting and not depressing at all. Insert sarcastic smile here.

Side Note: I'm afraid to watch 'It's A Wonderful Life' this year. Last year I smirked at the "run" on a bank scene. This year, uh - not so old school. Is 2008 the new 1929? Is crying the best medicine, or is that laughter? I forget.

So back to my story. We went to Frankenmuth, which is a Bavarian town about 50 miles away (Christmas every day all year but they step it up a notch in December, if that's possible). Famous chicken. Throw me a bone if you have heard of it.

We told Princess she could invite a friend. I'm learning lessons I tell you.

Turns out, she invited a friend who lives 30 minutes in the opposite direction. It was too late. Friend was already way excited. I didn't put much thought into wondering why this friend is able to go to her school when she lives so far away. I was hung up on the fact that Princess has about 13,000 friends right in our neighborhood.

We piled on our winter coats, left the house, and headed for the ghetto to pick her up. A half an hour later, Kayla comes bounding up to the car like a Great Dane and Princess jumps out to run and hug her. Turns out, Kayla is a little black girl. Just an observation, Princess doesn't even know the difference.

I spent the rest of the day reflecting on how Princess doesn't have to listen to the racism I did when I was growing up. When I think about all the stupidity in the world back then, then cut to today and the age of Obama, I can't help but feel warm an fuzzy inside (but that might be the Spanish Coffee I had).

Despite the fact that we are all headed for the brink of a very different disaster and people will soon be killing each other for a can of cat food to feed their family, I was happy we drove the extra hour.

Happy Holidays!

This is what we get

2008-12-08T12:41:00.000-08:00

Princess is with us exactly half of the time. The other half, with her biological mother. Well, she is babysat by a TV there, to be more exact.

Yes, we walk around the house naked, make s'mores with the gas burners, and drink beer the whole time she is not at our house. Get over it.

Facts:
There is a cat ("Kitty") at her mother's.
Oliver, my cat, is at our house.
Mr. Right's job was eliminated last week. Don't worry, we will be fine. I'm practicing walking on my hooker heels as I type this.

Out of the blue, Princess sends Mr. Right an email with simply "sorry about your job daddy". Awe, that's nice. She couldn't possibly want anything, right? She's a 10 year old little girl. Her motives must be pure.

Mr. Right's reply was "don't worry about it honey, but we will just have to be careful with Christmas presents this year".

[ahem, there is a Wii and Guitar Hero sitting in the middle of my living room waiting to be wrapped for her]

Her response, was "that is fine, all I want for Christmas is MY own cat", and this:

Daddy i love playing with oliver but haven't lately much. i would put the litter
box in our bathroom and i would clean it and feed my cat and train it like kitty
i would play with it on my free time and i would do my best to take very good
care of it it will eventualy get used to oliver and oliver would get used to my
cat that is mostly all I want for christmas!
LOVE,

There were some other emails directing him to talk me into it, and more about how much a cat doesn't cost anything. Insert my sideways smile here. Yeah, I sortof look like Elvis with long red hair when I do that.

I had flashbacks to the missing $8,000 I spent in vet bills for my last cat Smokey, over 16 years.

We are both feeling a bit manipulated. What is the deal with her cat at her mother's? What is this "a cat of my own" crap?

I told Mr. Right to keep it simple. Stick to "whose cat would it be when you are not at our house?" because that should be enough to throw her off track. I'm looking for ways to avoid telling her "hell to the no kid".

Consumer confidence rises in November

2008-11-25T10:42:00.001-08:00

Today the Associated Press has a story all over the Netz about how, surprisingly, consumer confidence rose in November.

Um. That would be me. Sorry. I couldn't pass up all those great pre-Black Friday sales. Add to this, someone showed me how to google "coupon code" and use these little treats for online shopping.

Since I'm one of like 3 people with a job left in Michigan, I feel it is my duty.

Homework

2008-11-20T07:43:00.001-08:00

Be sure to check your kid's homework before they turn it in.

In this case, Mommy works at Home Depot and here she is selling a shovel.

For My Friend Karen

2008-11-14T11:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Karen,

Thank you for talking me in to getting a Kindle. Today alone made it worth the 300 bucks I spent on it. As you know, I got called back to the hospital for more glamour shots of my thyroid.

I have to tell you, the Image Center at that hospital is chock full of blue hair patients. They have no problem asking you "what are you here for?". No need to look mortified. I just buried my nose in my Kindle and ignored them all. I think there was a discussion about Cloris Leachman but I can't be sure, I tuned them out. One little lady was kind enough to offer me a butterscotch candy from her purse though. The lint was a bonus.

They left me sitting in the scan room afterwards until the radiologist felt like coming back from lunch to tell me they had everything they needed. Did I notice? Not so much. I whipped my Kindle out of my tote and Edgar Sawtelle kept me company. Not once did a 'what the hell' enter my mind. Which is a miracle because 'what the hell' is my motto these days.

Except, there is something to be said for sitting in the corner shaking like a nervous dog. I scored a coupon for a free icecream from the nurse. I must look 12 years old because she told me that I could get my icecream *after* I was done, and tousled my hair.

Ok, thanks.

I was thinking about keeping the identification bracelet on they gave me. This thing could come in handy for my 3 o'clock meeting with clients. Over the top?

By the way, you need to get these people on board with the latest hospital shoe fashion. They are still hung up on their Crocs (oi vey). I think a strongly worded email is in order with some links to the Keen website. Get a clue, people.

How much longer should I let Mr. Right sweat before I call him and tell him I'm ok? I've already gotten a dozen roses and a mixed boquet out of this deal, should I go for the Michael Kors Austin Cross Body bag, in black? You're right, that would be too mean. I do want that bag bad though...

See, you don't even have to answer me back. I can answer for you.

Hugs,

Me

Exposed

2008-11-12T12:36:00.000-08:00

I consider myself a reckless person. There isn't much I'm afraid of. I'm not even afraid of the current economy. I get motion sickness when flying but in reality I'm not afraid of it.

However, I do have a phobia. I can't say it outloud, but this isn't really outloud so here goes.

Doctors. Otherwise known as Latriphobia. Ok, I am self diagnosed but I have no fear that I am wrong.

There I said it. I am acutely afraid of doctors, hospitals, anything related to the medical field. I purposely got into computer science to avoid that nightmare. I would rather go to jail for a night than a hospital. Real gangster jail, not that work release country club shit.

The only time I have ever had surgery in my life is when I had my tonsils out when I was 5 years old. My parents packed my little Holly Hobbie overnight case, stocked up on popsicles, and set off to the hospital with me in the backseat thinking I was going to Sesame Street.

In 1969, they sent parents home for the night.

That mistake may have been rectified immediately after my visit.

Don't think I didn't put on my pink fuzzy slippers and try to escape. You'd also think a 5 year old curly red mop top in Burt 'n Ernie pj's would be a dead give away. Turns out, I made it all the way to the main entrance. I had a taxi in my sights and my kool-aid sale money in my sock. Nurse Ratchet caught me and confined me to a bed that looked like a cage. The next morning, it took 6 nurses to hold me down for a sedative injection to the glutious. In 1969, nurses could kick your ass for realz. They wore white caps, starched white dresses, and white support hose. I do believe they were convent rejects, traveled to work on a broom, and gave enimas just for the fun of it. I lived, but I was scarred for life mentally.

Then I used to watch TV shows like Emergency, then later General Hospital, then even later Grey's Anatomy like people watch horror movies (oh man they are giving her 800 cc's of lactated ringers, stat, what are they going to do with that needle, what the hell).

Anyway. Cut to 2008. Imagine my surprise when I felt something strange about my neck last month. In true Latriphobia fashion, I went to see my kinder gentler holistic doctor.

Who requested a thyroid ultrasound at the hospital.

Shit.

My sister the endocrinologist assistant told me "maybe they will do a needle biopsy to rule out thyroid cancer". What the hell? "uh yeah I gotta go to a meeting or something bye" then assumed the fetal position under my desk in my cubicle.

So yesterday I dragged myself to the hospital, let them check me in, read my Kindle while I waited, then let the technician lead me to her little ultrasound dark room. I thought my joke "is that the heartbeat" was funny but I guess not so much. After about a minute in to the ultrasound, she got up and said she had to "go get someone else to look at this". Before I could crap my pants, 3 doctors stormed the room, there was alot of whispering ("there are 3 over there, 2 over there, be sure to get that, and that"). Hello! I'm right here! I can hear you!

This.is.not.happening.

The smartest looking doctor walked me out. Actually handed me her card. Said "your doctor will be calling you in a few days, if he doesn't, get ahold of me at that number". And "we got some really good pictures".

I was too afraid to ask.

This morning already, as I'm getting ready for work, the hospital calls my house. The lady on the other end said "the radiologist took a look at your ultrasound and would like you to come back to the hospital, can you come today?". Not my doctor, this was the hospital on the phone. For all I know this person's full name was Shit The Hospital.

My best attempt to deal with my fear was to get cocky "you caught me off guard, I'm not sure about today, how about Friday?". She said that "should" be ok.

Again. I was too afraid to ask. Haven't picked up the phone to call anyone. When they say "come back to the hospital"... in my head I hear things like "so we can give you an upper and lower GI, at the same time", and "the needle we will stick in your neck is only 9 inches long", and my all time favorite "catheters only hurt when they are going in".

Why would I think a gastrointestinal exam would be involved? I don't know, it's my phobia, leave me alone.

I will check back in with you on Friday, if they can get me out from under my bed.

Happy Birthday Oliver, today you are 4

2008-11-05T14:08:00.001-08:00

Oliver, I know your vote was for Malia and Sasha to get a kitty, not so much a puppy.

Turns out you won't be joining the 53% of us who are singing in the streets.

Sorry dude, maybe next time.

On the bright side, Happy Birthday! My gift to you is socialism. You are going to enjoy it, I promise.

Second Opinions

2008-11-05T13:00:00.001-08:00

Princess saw an orthopedic doctor today, who said that her knee is not fractured. She has some condition that I can't pronounce (and it takes a while for me to give up) which is related to growing pains.

To hear Mr. Right explain it to her, it is swollen because she talks too much.

Fractured

2008-10-29T07:38:00.000-07:00

Princess has been complaining about her knee for a while now. Mr. Right finally broke down and took her to the doctor. Turns out, it is fractured. Great. More ammunition for her to build her case that her parents are losers.

I believe this is related to the Great Ski Accident of 2007. Aggravated by gymnastics.

Both of which (especially skiing) will probably be out of the question this year.

I was so looking forward to reading my Kindle at the chalet by a toasty fire while Mr. Right and Princess take to the slopes. If global warming doesn't get in the way.

The idea of the first few snow flakes falling while she looks out the window and wimpers is driving me to have dreams about developing an alcohol problem.

I'm doing this for Marinka

2008-10-22T07:59:00.000-07:00

Motherhood in NYC is a girl blogger ~~I am in love with~~ I read most days. She keeps posting these cool pictures of sites from Manhattan every day. Taunting me.

So I decided to post a picture of what we get to look at in the great city of Detroit. We affectionately refer to it as the Fist Cock (it's really supposed to be a Joe Louis monument). I actually saw a homeless man peeing on it one time, the nerve!

Nice, isn't it? Gives you a real warm and fuzzy when visiting the city.

Take that, Marinka! Snap!

Phone calls from school

2008-10-20T16:43:00.000-07:00

Princess got in trouble at school, for deciding she wanted to sit in a different seat. The teacher's take on it was that she was asked to move back but said she wasn't going to. Then was sent to the principal's office and Mr. Right was called to come get her.

I can only imagine her panick "holy crap, didn't know that was going to happen".

The teacher also decided to add that it was the last straw with her, that she had been misbehaving for a while? (wow, that does not sound like her). He says she won't sit straight in her chair and when he tells her to she responds that her chair isn't comfortable. Ok, that one I can picture her pulling.

She was about to be grounded for quite a while (the girl she wanted to sit next to got in-school suspension, WTH?).

But after hearing her side, I'm not sure what to think. I don't want to be THAT parent who thinks their kid never does anything wrong and teachers are full of it. But Princess doesn't lie either, or if she tries it is really easy to catch her.

She says that there are some kids who sit around her that have been bugging her (throwing stuff at her and talking to her) and she can't concentrate. Before class started, she moved to another desk (instead of asking the teacher first). She says that when the teacher came in, he said for her to get back to her spot and she told him she wanted to prove to him she could sit there (it happens to be next to her friend). He told her to move it, she took her time, and he picked up the phone in the classroom and called the office.

I'm not sure why the friend she moved next to got in-school suspension, and Princess just got a call to home. That seems bizarre.

Friend was actually supposed to come to the house to play Friday night, so that was cancelled. We didn't ground Princess because... if her side of the story is what happened, they need to calm down. I explained to her the correct way to approach a teacher.

Should we have stuck it to her anyway?

The Palin Effect

2008-10-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to blog about my politics (Obama Obama Obama) because I leave that up to people who have time for it and can take the ridicule. I'm not that thick skinned. And I know it would take over my life because I am in fact a political person in the real world. This is also a good thing because... well, aren't you sick of it all already?

So I found this funny....

Mr. Right and I of course watched SNL last night. As usual, Oliver (kitty) was asleep in my lap. Just as the real Sarah Palin came on to make her speech at the podium, Oliver started to twitch, woke up, looked at me, and hissed.

I don't think I've ever laughed harder.

I'd like to think it is because something evil came on the TV and he could sense it... but actually he was probably dreaming about how he got outside earlier that afternoon and I found him and brought him back in, which required a real life hiss.

Hopefully that is all the political blogging I will do.

Planning ahead

2008-10-16T13:24:00.000-07:00

Since my mom has alzheimer's now at her ripe not so old age, I have committed to having my family over for Thanksgiving this year. I am panicking early.

Please don't open the door to that bathroom that isn't redone yet.

I came across this "stuffing cage" thing. The idea here is that you can put the stuffing in the cage and shove it in the bird, then pull it out by the handle when done cooking. Instead of scooping it out of the bird, apparently that is a tedious task? I think this thing is illegal in a few states.

Is this a good idea, or a ridiculous idea? If I knew what I was doing, would I even ask?

I kid you NOT

2008-10-15T09:54:00.001-07:00

I was tagged by Kimmguru to go to my 6th picture folder and post my 6th picture. At first I was a little worried (what if it's porn?) but when I went to my folder and saw it is this picture, I had to smile. I swear this is not gratuitous! You can check her comment on my Meme post if you don't believe me!

Big sigh. A picture of us looking at the Mackinac bridge on our wedding day.

And Kimmguru, Mr. Right says that Mr. Bigwood has to give up his name so he can have it.

With this ring...

2008-10-13T20:29:00.000-07:00

Let me first say that I am not a jealous person. I'm not a closeted jealous type, either. I don't have a jealous bone in my body. I usually hate to use cliches too, but I will make an exception here. I am the person who makes fun of people with jealousy issues, clearly they are getting ripped off by their therapist. Mr. Right has not seen a nano second of jealousy from me. Besides, I'm the hot one.

I used jealous 5 times in that paragraph.

This brings me to my point. Why, oh why, does Mr. Right insist on constantly forgetting his wedding ring? Before he leaves the house. For a PMI class tonight. And alot of other days.

I was enjoying my alone time at home tonight, looked up from the kitchen sink, and there it was, sitting on the window sill. Mocking me.

I couldn't resist, I had to call his cell phone and leave him a message asking how his class went without his wedding ring.

I also had to tell him when he got home that his ring is actually a babe magnet, maybe he should wear it once in a while.

It's such a nice ring too, I don't get it. Not as nice as mine, but nice.

Meme

2008-10-10T11:41:00.000-07:00

I got tagged for a Meme by Motherhood in NYC. I wasn't quick enough to dart my eyes away and pretend I didn't read it, and I ~~stalk~~ read her every day so I guess I should pay it forward. I'd also like to mention that the reason I read her blog every day is not only because she is a very funny writer and originally from Russia, but she does in fact live in Manhattan with her husband and kids. That facinates me. She doesn't have to cut grass, shovel snow, pick up the neighbor's dog poop, plant flowers, pull weeds, or even drive if she doesn't want to. To top it off, her post yesterday was about how she walks past the Saks Fifth Avenue window display every day. What the hell. The highlight of my commute to work is usually the hooptie that broke down in front of me (it wouldn't be Friday in good old Detroit without a hooptie in your way).

The idea here is to give 6 odd things about me.

1) I was a ballerina for 16 years. People who know me in person, will find that odd. And will laugh in my face. Thanks, in advance.

2) I wanted to be a nun when I was 14. Enough said.

3) I am still in touch with the first boyfriend I ever had, when I was 16.

(you can stop rolling your eyes now Mr. Right)

4) Henry Winkler kissed me on the cheek at Vantasia in 1977. That was when he was The Fonz. I was kindof a big deal after that.

5) I was the Queen of the Kootie Kissers in first grade.

6) I get motion sickness just riding an elevator.

Come to think of it, #3 is probably why #2 never happened.

Now I'm supposed to tag 6 bloggers to list 6 of their own odd things about themselves, I will start with my friend Briana, then Scargosun, Insane Mama, Fluffy Windover, I eat my pigeon, and Mama Fidel.

I'm not going to contact you all to let you know I've tagged you, but I will notice if you go with it.

Indian Summer

2008-10-09T13:29:00.001-07:00

This weekend it is going to be sunny and in the 80's. In Michigan this here is what we call "Indian Summer" because we have had frost.

I am not going to give you the running tally on how long I have been on Mr. Right to power wash the house, let's just say I've been patient.

So I sent him an email this morning that "we should get jiggy with a power washer this weekend since it is going to be so warm". I even threw in some ideas on where to rent one for good measure.

The response? He has one lined up for Saturday.

That is so hot.

My latest Target finds

2008-09-29T08:14:00.001-07:00

Ever since I moved in to Mr. Right's house, I am ashamed to say that the living room has been practically empty. Just my sad little couch and love seat that I brought with me. Well, that and an IKEA book shelf that takes up an entire wall, purchased post move.

Yes, you caught that "Mr. Right's house". I'm not accepting responsibility for it. I am only tolerating this because of the economy. It's Bush's fault really.

I love The Nester. Absolutely love her. Watching her has made me understand the error in my ways, like matchy matchy furniture, or putting furniture up against the wall. Or beige on beige on beige. Barf. Anyway.

This weekend I cleaned the fish tank which is in the living room (who cleaned this thing before I moved in?). This was a nice segway to re-evaluate the rest of the room. I moved the couch to the middle of the living room with the back facing the foyer/large entry way (the house has an open floor plan, why didn't I do this before, I dunno).

So what do you think I will put on the wall where the couch was? You guessed it, this little honey from Target (dirt cheap in the first place, but 15% off and free shipping makes it a no brainer).

Then, what do you think I will put at the back of the couch? You guessed it again, another honey from Target. This console table.

Grand total, $369. Duh.

Next I will share with you the bamboo roman blinds I got from JCPenney.com for.... drum roll please... $50 each (for 72" windows, come on!). I was actually surfing bamboo blinds that were SEVEN HUNDRED DOLLARS a blind. What what?

This picture is from the JCP website and does NOT do the product justice. Maybe it's because mine are about 3 times bigger, or because they are under fabulous tab top curtains hanging from an iron rod. All I can say is that I opened the box and screamed with glee.

Come to think of it, almost every window treatment I have ever bought in my life has come from JC Penney. I always end up back there, so why don't I just start there? Don't know.

Did that just happen?

2008-09-26T14:46:00.001-07:00

This morning I had to turn around at the end of my street and head back home because I forgot something.

Once I got to a curve in the street, there was a black pickup sitting there, like it couldn't decide what to do. Then it moved up a little. Then it stopped again. Then it moved up a little. Then it stopped again. Then it pulled over to the right.

So I passed.

Later, I pull up in my driveway and they are behind me... WTH?

I get out of my truck and a man is driving and his crazy wife is in the passenger seat with the window down screaming at me. Something about what is the hurry, but with alot of cussing, foaming at the mouth, and an obvious blood pressure problem disclosed by a completely red face.

So, in my vast experience with that which is life, I know that you don't engage with psychos.

I tell her to go away.

I may or may not have told her to ef off. I said something about calling the police.

I went in the house.

They did not leave. Mr. Right went out to talk to them. They would not leave.

This lady was like a rabid dog climbing across her husband to bark at Mr. Right. As I watch, I'm hoping he won't need rabies shots.

Finally they leave... and our neighbor comes over to warn us they are known wackos.

My loving and devoted husband only wanted to know... what did I do to her?

Don't you love it? It gives me such a warm and fuzzy feeling inside!

Do you want a Hoover?

2008-09-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

There is a Hoover vacuum give-away going on over at my friend Kathy's blog. Be sure to check it out. While you are there, you must tell her how pretty she is and how adorable her children are.

Bra Drama

2008-09-19T13:34:00.000-07:00

Princess decided it was a good idea to take a dare from one of her girlfriends, and put one of her training bras in a boy's locker at school. Then, when the boy embarrassed her about it in front of the class, she thought it was a good idea to go tell the teacher this boy was nasty to her.

And of course, teacher called home. After telling her she asked for it.

Good call, Princess. Brilliant.

Princess is grounded for 3 days.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. Obviously the padded variety is a bad idea, too much attention. Back to the pull over ones, sorry girlfriend. But, she was comfortable doing this? Or was the dare just too much to walk away from. Or, is the friend who put her up to it a pervert? Friend's parents are Republican, so I'm starting to wonder.

She's 10.

It is both funny and creepy at the same time.

When I was 10, if a boy even said the word bra to me I would have been mortified. White blouses were a source of insecurity to me at 14 (see thru factor). I wore a cardigan with my Catholic school girl uniform for that reason, when it was 80 degrees. My mom told me sex was something only monkey's did. And I believed her.

I cried for a week when my Dad spotted my training bra and said "why didn't you just give her a couple of band-aids?".

Note: Mr. Right just reading the words my.catholic.school.girl.uniform means I'm going to get a foot rub tonight.

Free Advice

2008-09-18T09:27:00.000-07:00

When one is trying to sell their husband on the idea that they haven't been clothes shopping for months, one might want to cut the sales tags off their clothes before walking into the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee for the ride to work. While the husband is sitting there at the kitchen table.

I'm just sayin'

Ike hits Michigan, can I get a what what?

2008-09-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

I love the seasons. Rarely do I say out loud that I'm tired of summer, I keep that little secret to myself. I'm tired of working on 2200 square feet of landscaping that was overlooked by Mr. Right for 10 years (sorry dude). I'm tired of that guilty feeling that comes over me when it is 80 and sunny but I just want to relax inside. I love the beach, but come on already.

I'm sick, I know.

So last weekend, if you took a look at the path of Ike, did you notice? How does this EVER happen? I will recap for you. This hurricane came ashore via the Galveston and Houston area, took a sharp right turn past Dallas, made its way north and east to Michigan.

This confirms it. I need to start praying because somebody is listening to me.

Two straight weekend days, in my jammies, alone with Mr. Right, playing with MY NEW KINDLE (read: electronic reader, not: vibrating toy).

It poured all day both days. It rained so much it wasn't even safe to drive. Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

The days are getting shorter, the nights are getting cooler... I'm ready for my carmel apple now.

Shangri-La

2008-09-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

This morning I whispered in Mr. Right's ear "should I eat some cereal or do you want to go get Dim Sum?". When he said I just rocked his world, I took that to mean Dim Sum.

We headed off to Shangri-La with Princess in tow. Note to self: picky 10 year olds won't eat Dim Sum no matter how hungry they are. I thought cute little appetizers were a win win, turns out not so much.

But before we left, I had an interesting conversation when I called to see if we needed reservations, with a Chinese guy named Toby (really?).

Toby: Shangri-La

Me: Hi, do we need reservations for Dim Sum?

Toby: Not if you come now.

Me: Oh, how about at 12:30?

Toby: For how many?

Me: There are 3 of us.

Toby: no, we never take reservations

Me: k.... thanks?

It was yummy but the next time it will be just the two of us. There will be some research first too (did she say chicken feet?).

this is why

2008-09-06T09:59:00.001-07:00

I've had a bunch of people ask me why do I want a Kindle. Alot of people don't really know what it is.

The biggest selling point (to me) is that it stores hundreds of books so you don't have to carry them around or store them in your house.

The cost of buying the Kindle version of a book is much cheaper than buying a paper copy.

When you buy a book, it comes across wi-fi to your Kindle, no cords, no downloading.

You can read a sample of a book for free before buying it.

You can have your New York Times paper show up on it rather than in the mailbox or on the porch. No more newspapers to litter the house and waste trees. No more wet newspapers sitting in the rain. You get it before it hits the newstands.

It takes just seconds to think of a book you want to buy, buy it, and wa la - there it is.

It saves on trees, a very important thing to me.

It is easier on the eyes than reading a book.

Set Kindle on the stairmaster and read while working out (I never could manipulate paper books or magazines to read while working out).

It is much more comfortable to curl up and read with. For me, the spine of a book is really annoying when you're trying to read from a relaxed position.

Buying it myself means that Mr. Right will be out of ideas on what to get me this year for Christmas. Loving that!

Brakes... Kindle.... Brakes... Kindle

2008-09-05T12:13:00.000-07:00

I finally moved on with my life over this whole 'is there a new version coming out or isn't there' conundrum and ordered myself a KINDLE. Yes, you are so jealous of me.

Once I read the words "display technology called electronic paper Kindle provides a crisp black and white screen that resembles the appearance and readability of real paper... the screen works using ink just like books and newspapers but displays ink particles electronically"... hot damn that's all I needed.

Well, that and the fact that it ran $319 and coincidentally brakes for my SUV are $319. I decided "who needs to stop? not me!".

It was a sign I tell you.

I feel used

2008-09-04T19:19:00.000-07:00

Princess has been working me to talk to Mr. Right about giving her a house key so she can walk home from school (the end of the street) at 4 pm instead of going to latch-key.

The sales pitch was that she would call me by 4:20 to let me know she got in. She would not have anyone over or go anywhere until somebody got home around 6ish, and she would not use the microwave or stove.

It started to sound good until I actually did run it by Mr. Right.

... who informed me that he has told her for years that she is too young to be alone at home until at least middle school (next year) and maybe not even then. Nice try Princess.

I guess when I saw her throw a fit about her blanky being in the wash at bed time, that should have been a clue to me she is not ready.

What age is old enough? Is it really based on age or do people judge maturity? Princess is 10.

I was 7, but that was when John Travolta wore polyester leisure suits and I thought the BG's were cool.

I enjoyed it and Dim Sum

2008-08-29T11:41:00.001-07:00

It was now time to head back to San Francisco for our last night before we flew home. We stopped at the Santa Cruz boardwalk but didn't stay, it didn't look like anything we were in the mood for. Lot's of crowds and a carnival atmosphere.

That night we wandered the streets of San Francisco one last time. Tired of chasing cable cars, we took a cab to China Town and sampled the food from a couple of places. One place we stopped was a garden room at the top of a tall building with a view of China Town. We sat in the bar and observed the Chinese staff watching the Olympics in Beijing. You haven't lived until you see people watching the Olympics in their homeland, while in the states.

On to the next place. This is where I was introduced to Dim Sum. They had an extensive Dim Sum menu and I fell in love. I'm a sucker for tiny appetizer size foods. The dishes that walked by didn't look bad either. My fear as I sat there was that I probably wouldn't find Dim Sum in Detroit. Wrong. I guess there is a place in West Bloomfield that rivals anywhere (called Shangri-La). Your best bet is that I will be there soon and giving a review.

After we left China Town we headed to Little Italy (aka North Beach). This area is quite the club scene. We were supposed to just stop into a small place with an acoustic guitar or something. Nope. We wandered into a strip club instead. This is where I got my lap dance by a girl (duh). When inside one of these establishments, if you are a girl, I suggest NOT going to the ladies room. No matter how bad you have to go. Even if you have to wet yourself. I'm serious. When I asked where is the rest room, I was directed to an elevator upstairs and told to "go left when you get off". I thought hmmm, the men's room is right here by the entrance (insert nervous eye twich here). Against my better judgement, I pressed the up button anyway. When the door opened, the "VIP" area was to the right, the girl's restroom to the left. They should have told me that by "left" they meant duck and roll to the left as soon as the door opens. Instead I stood there for a second (in my defense, it was really dark with some sort of red lighting). Some guy who was near the VIP area grabbed me and started to hug me and said "I Love You". I pushed him away and said "I'm just going to the restroom". What was that supposed to mean? I'm not sure.

After I did my business, I was afraid to walk back out. Once I got up my courage and made my way back to the elevator, I experienced the longest 2 minute elevator ride ever. Unfortunately a VIP "couple" got on with me. Just what I didn't want. The guy obviously didn't want his time over.

The next day is when I experiened a 757 thru Delta. This airline definitely has the best customer service I have experienced, but that's just me. We flew to Detroit via Atlanta. That is way too much flying, but that 757 made up for it.

We could have flown to Ireland with all that flying.

Pebble Beach is his church

2008-08-28T14:30:00.001-07:00

I think this is where he started to whimper and claw at the window.

I had no idea this stop was so important to him, but look at that smile.

We ate lunch on the porch behind him.

I don't normally take pictures of food because well, it's just food. But feast your eyes on that lobster sandwich.

That cheese cake is a piece of art I tell you.

Our view of the 18th hole from where we sat and ate lunch.

get back here... you can't climb on that

Monterey

2008-08-28T14:13:00.001-07:00

The Monterey Spa and Hotel is on Cannery Row in Monterey. It was a bit overpriced for what you got, but then we were comparing it to the Tickle Pink. I didn't take a picture of it and I regret not getting a picture of the lobby.

Mr. Right looking at kayak'ers out our window.

More hot tubbing but this time on the top of the Monterey hotel. It was early, so there is fog and you don't get an appreciation for the view but I bet you can detect that Mr. Right is hung over.

What is funny about our Monterey stay is that everyone told us there isn't much to do on Cannery Row and that we would probably stay at the hotel. Cannery Row was actually bustling with people (Friday night) and we saw an awesome band at Sly McFly's.

17 Mile Drive

2008-08-28T14:01:00.000-07:00

We hit the 17 Mile Drive on the way to Monterey. I thought Mr. Right was going to pee himself as we drove by Pebble Beach.

I swear I don't normally look like Chubaka and why didn't I just leave the sunglasses on. The new Carmel tshirt doesn't say tourist at all.

calm down, we will go to Pebble Beach tomorrow

Rocky Point

2008-08-28T10:10:00.000-07:00

At this point we turned north on the Big Sur coast toward Monterey. We stopped for ~~beer~~ lunch at this cute little place out on a cliff hanging over the ocean. We sat right here, outside.

Inside there was a fly so we moved outside after I asked for a fly swatter and the waitress brought me a glass of ice water.

holy crab sandwich!

Pfeiffer Beach

2008-08-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

We left the Tickle Pink and made our way down Big Sur to Pfeiffer Beach. You can see a waterfall coming out of the rock next to Mr. Right's arm. This place does not suck.

Seagull Whisperer

2008-08-28T09:50:00.001-07:00

The next morning I made a friend on the terrace of our Tickle Pink room. He loved pretzel crackers, because you know seagulls are finicky. This is proof that they will do anything for food (I was touching him while I talked to him).

Carmel Sunset

2008-08-28T09:42:00.001-07:00

That night we went down to Carmel-By-The-Sea to enjoy the sunset and have a beach bonfire. The Tickle Pink gives you all the Duraflame logs you want and we showed our appreciation by swiping one of their towels to sit on.

Tickle me PINK

2008-08-27T14:26:00.001-07:00

Two hours later we arrived in Carmel at the Tickle Pink Inn. Can you imagine walking in your room to find that this is your view? I can't and I was there.

or look to the side

I don't remember how that Sofia Coppola wine bottle got there

Oh wait, now I remember (a bit of overkill on the bubbles Mr. Right)

Out the window

2008-08-27T14:24:00.000-07:00

Took this shot... out the window while flying down Highway 1 (by flying I mean stopping at every turnout so the locals could stop riding my bumper).

Cuz that's how we roll

2008-08-27T14:08:00.001-07:00

We rented a Cadillac STS which turns out to be the perfect ride for Highway 1, or anywhere for that matter. This reminds me that I have a bone to pick with you west coasters, what is the deal with the NO American cars? I think I saw one for every 500. News flash, there are some really awesome American cars and they cost less.

It's sad and you are killing us folks here in the Dirty D.

Let's go to Carmel

2008-08-27T13:37:00.000-07:00

The next day we headed off to Carmel via Highway 1 to find the Tickle Pink Inn. Point Lobos on Big Sur makes for some great pictures, but what you don't see is how this wave caught Mr. Right. I only got this shot of him running from it like a girl.

Sausalito

2008-08-27T13:13:00.000-07:00

You can get to Sausalito via ferry. It's on the other side of Golden Gate Bridge. At The Spinnaker we had our one year anniversary dinner. Looks very 1950's Rat Pack doesn't it?

Our table was next to the window.

Haight Ashbury

2008-08-27T13:08:00.001-07:00

We walked Haight Street, stopped to get a tshirt for Mr. Right, walked through Golden Gate Park....

Then as promised, we both got our toes pampered at the Aqua Spa. The BEST pedicure I have ever had.

Union Square

2008-08-27T13:05:00.001-07:00

The best part of shopping Union Square was the live jazz band that happened to be playing, and the opportunity to get some See's chocolates.

16th floor of the Hyatt

2008-08-27T13:02:00.001-07:00

We just never got tired of looking at the view from our room at the Hyatt.

Pier 39

2008-08-27T12:50:00.000-07:00

Next we walked over to Pier 39. It is alot more touristy than I remember it being when I was 15. But then again, dinosaurs roamed the earth when I was 15 so I guess everything changes.

no, forget it

You can see Alcatraz over Mr. Right's shoulder.

First Stop Fisherman's Warf

2008-08-27T11:30:00.001-07:00

We woke up day one in San Francisco. We had a Regency Club room on the 16th floor of the Hyatt which meant we had access to the continental breakfast at the very top (a panoramic view of the city and bay). We had dessert when we arrived the night before up there too.

Shortly after breakfast, we caught a cable car to Powell street and walked to Fisherman's Warf. We weren't hungry yet but couldn't resist the crab on sourdough bread.

I highly recommend the 757

2008-08-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

Let me just say, that flying Delta on a 757 is the only way to go. Once you get through security and they are done giving you a pap smear, this plane totally makes up for any hurt feelings.

Every seat has it's own TV.

Did you hear me? Every seat. No sharing. Any cable station you want to watch. You can flip over to a map of where your plane is at and how much flight time is left. This is the best part... you can even rent movies from a selection of current rentals for six bucks (no porn tho).

Totally made me forget that I didn't score any Xanax.

Well, that and the cocktails. And the shrimp ceasar salad (don't laugh, yes I bought it, and it had huge real tasty shrimp and I didn't die from eColi).

The commuter plane from Detroit to Cincinnati... not so much. I may or may not have left some groceries at the Cincinnati airport.

A postal lady intervention

2008-08-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

We are home safe and sound. The trip was a whirlwind and I will be posting pictures over the next several days. Let me start you with one highlight. I got a lap dance in San Francisco. From a girl. While Mr. Right watched. And it was HIS birthday. Sorry, no picture of this.

What was the first thing to greet me when I got home? A letter from our mail carrier which I am reading between the lines like I always do, and she appears to be trying to address my substance abuse problem with internet shopping. It is a very formal letter telling us to get a larger mailbox and she has HIGHLIGHTED WITH A YELLOW HIGHLIGHTER the words "large enough to accomodate your flow of mail including letters, addressed newspapers, magazines, and small to medium sized parcels".

Yes, the house sitter got the mail every day.

Here is a visual for you. We don't live in a neighborhood where the mailbox is on the house (those small ones). The mailbox is one of those BIG rural ones out on the street and all she has to do is drive up to it and stick our mail in. For bigger packages she has to walk up the driveway to the porch and leave them by the door. The driveway is about 30 feet long.

The way I see it, I have two options here. a) I can confront the lazy slacker and tell her what I think about her letter, or b) I can get the hugest most obnoxious mailbox ever, I'm talking gargantuan sized.

I choose B. Anyone know where I can find a mailbox the size of a Buick?

Not This Again

2008-08-18T07:22:00.001-07:00

Well, our flight to SFO takes off in the morning. I'm in the midst of a packing flurry with alot of confusion. I've been watching the SFO weather and it's low 60's with lots of sun. I'm stuck in hot summer mode and keep packing too many tank tops. Kitty is getting nervous now that the suitcases are out. Packing looks a little skitzo. Summer clothes, warm clothes, and a cat. I will make sure the last one gets out before we leave. I promise. Really.

Traveling always causes me a ton of stress. Once that flight takes off, then I go in to excitement mode. Until then, I'm nervous, anxious, hurried, worried, frantic, out of it, can't make eye contact with my husband, don't want to be hugged, and there's a misplaced feeling of dread that fills me. Maybe I am actually afraid to fly? Or, maybe I'm bi-polar. I noticed yesterday that the flight itinerary has my old name on it. That was enough to send me into a rage. Apparently Mr. Right needed to update Travelocity. Or learn to proof read. Or both. The airline said to bring the marriage license, but what I heard is "be prepared to be strip searched".... and "we are taking your shampoo for that". I'm pretty good at reading between the lines :)

Is it normal to feel like you are going to the death chamber for your lethal injection when one is on the way to the airport? That is probably a no.

If I die on a Delta flight, please take care of my kitty.

Naked For A Day

2008-08-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

Well, that was fun! I really mean it. Being featured is one thing but to get all the bloggy comment love is priceless. I plan to go visit everyone who left a comment, but I see that is going to take a while because there are quite a few people who visited.

The absolute funniest comment is one from a girl who said Mr. Right reminds her of her Dad. I'm sure she has no idea and didn't mean a thing. But of course I took this as an opportunity to tell him that he reminded somebody of their grandpa, or great-grandpa, I can't remember which.

Also, this upcoming San Francisco/Carmel/Monterey trip is just Me and Mr. Right only. A lot of romance will be involved as it is our first anniversary combined with our honeymoon. This trip is guaranteed to provide some funny blogging with beautiful pictures.

My co-worker friend Briana left a few comments. She works remotely from Texas now. I told her to say that I'm pretty but she didn't follow instructions. I know her manager and will make sure that she comes back up here for every snow storm.

I hope I brought a smile to at least a few faces. That is worth everything in my world.

Back to comment moderation however. It was fun while it lasted!

Welcome Saucy Girlfriends!

2008-08-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

Let me start by saying, hold me. I'm scared. I feel like I'm at amateur night and got lost looking for my table, went through the wrong door, and ended up on stage in the spotlight with my skirt caught up in my knickers. My blog is being featured? How exciting... or embarassing, I'm not sure.

I decided to start my happy blog last year when my life took on some dramatic changes. This way I could update friends and family who have moved away, without having to remember to send emails or call. That is pure genious on a stick.

Along the way I've been pleasantly surprised with some new bloggy friends who are supportive and helpful. In short, I got married last year (second marriage, after a long battle with my commitment phobia). Our wedding was beautiful and over the top. However, this marriage came with one special little package... a 9 year old step-daughter. I hesitantly gave up my girly house and moved in to Daddy's bachelor pad. You can just imagine the work cut out for me. Don't get me started on the 3 bathrooms!

Enter SITS. I believe it was Kathy (Mama's Losin It) who turned me on to SITS. I joined not so much for the traffic, but a way to peek into your lives and read some VERY funny stories, all with a leopard print backdrop.

I can't hold a candle to you saucy girls, but I hope you enjoy reading about this girl from the Midwest who has found Mr. Right, at last.

Check

2008-08-10T05:32:00.000-07:00

Round trip airline tickets to San Francisco - check.
A sitter at the house for kitty (yes you read that right) - check.
Room reservations at hotels in San Francisco, Carmel, and Monterey Bay - check.
Argument about whose fault it was we didn't get in to the Hotel Kabuki - check.
Trip to Lucy store to buy comfy yoga type travel clothes per sister - almost check, going today.
Directions to the Yank Sing dim sum place - check.
Dramamine for whale watching boat ride (for me of course) - check.
Found a ferry to Sausalito for anniversary night - check.
Day by day itinerary in Microsoft Project for the OCD afflicted - check.
Directions to Aqua Spa in San Francisco so we can get our toes pampered together whether he likes it or not - check.
Spot picked out for sunset beach bonfire in Carmel - check.
Directions to Point Lobos for Big Sur - check.

The only thing I'm missing is some Xanax to help me sleep before we leave. Why do I do this to myself? In my sleep, I worry about everything. When I wake, I'm fine and excited, sortof.

Me: do you realize that flight 211 was on its way to Phoenix when it crashed in 1987?
Mr. Right: blank stare
Me: do you realize it was August?
Mr. Right: don't start
Me: who would take care of Oliver if we both died?
Mr. Right: that's not going to happen
Me: but it could
Mr. Right: your safer in the air
Me: but cars don't fall out of the sky
Mr. Right: and planes don't get cut off by crazy people
Me: It's such a long flight
Mr. Right: get a pill so the flight seems shorter
Me: it's going to be a really short flight if the pilot forgets to adjust the wing flaps and we don't even make it out of Town.
Mr. Right: I don't know what to do with you

Seriously, I'm not afraid to fly. I just HATE dealing with airports. I hate the whole check your shampoo or we will take it away from you thing (hey my Fekkai is expensive stuff!).

And if you remember, flight 211 is the one where they found the little girl alive because she was covered by her mother's body, they were on their way to Phoenix (our layover), and it was August. I had a friend from work on that plane. It crashed into the highway on take off. The pilot "forgot" to adjust the wing flaps. What the hell?

I'm just sayin.

Has it really been a year?

2008-08-05T10:58:00.000-07:00

On his way to Austin, Mr. Right was poised to lunge at the gate when they asked if anyone would like a free round-trip flight to anywhere in the continental US for changing their flight. He did this for me, because our first anniversary is coming up.

He called me and asked "do you want to go to San Francisco?".

Hell to the yeah, I do. But I also want to drive to Big Sur for a few days while we are there. I was there for about 2 hours when I was 15 and haven't shut up about it since.

We are still in the planning stages, but ~~I am~~ we are looking to stay at the Tickle Pink Inn (bed and breakfast) when we get to Big Sur. Checkout that link. Pretty amazing.

This is the view from the deck (ahem, where there is wine and cheese tasting). We will definitely be sporting our Biff & Muffy alter egos upon arrival.

We will fly in to San Fran, spend a few days. Drive to Big Sur for a few days and stay in Carmel and Monterey. Drive back to San Fran. Fly home the day after that.

Any suggestions for what we MUST do in San Fran? I'm hoping there is a boat ride with NO Alcatraz stop. There must be?

I have to say it, when we are in San Fran the first couple of days, I will have these visions in my head...

bloggy award

2008-08-04T09:12:00.000-07:00

Thank you Briana for the award (she just did this because we work together). Even though I'm not reaching for the stars here, I will post the rules anyway :)-

Here is what you do:

1. The winner can put the logo on his/her blog.

2. Link to the person you received your award from.

3. Nominate 7 other blogs (wow, that's alot).

4. Put links to those blogs on yours.

5. Leave a message on the blogs of the people you have nominated.

Here are the blogs I have nominated:

1) Can I Get My Subscription Filled?

2) Mama's Losin' It

3) I eat my pigeon

4) Scargosun

5) Lulaville

6) Mama Fidel

7) Fluffy Windover

I need a new keyboard

2008-08-03T05:51:00.000-07:00

Do you know where I can get a keyboard without a cat's head attached to it? Seriously, he plants himself in my lap every single time and I am forced to contort myself in such a way that I am typing around him. He has a monitor and TV watching obsession.

Yes, that is a The Way We Were dvd on my desk. With Mr. Right gone this week I get to live my bachelorette lifestye. I am having a hard time pretending I'm sad. What? shhhhh.

gimme a kiss

uh, they call that a sweatshirt

2008-08-03T05:07:00.001-07:00

Mr. Right is fixin' to leave today to mosey on down to Austin for work all week. Up here where us snowbirds live, the summer is a comfortable low 80's with sunshine and zeeROW humidity. We can actually wear clothes with sleeves like normal people, and men sometimes even wear button down long sleeve shirts to the office! Imagine that! Today is August 3rd and all my windows are WIDE open, I can hear all the birds chirping, and the breeze blows in (oh the horror!). If somebody attempts to close said windows, they will be tackled.

There are two Doves on my back deck singing to each other as I type this.

Mr. Right has also been working from home quite a bit lately. His business casual wardrobe has been neglected... to the point of it being a crime.

He snuck out to Kohls to buy some cheap clothes to wear in Austin. Performance reviews and what not.

Mr. Right's fashion show when he got home was funny... to me. Mainly because I have lived where he is going.

Mr. Right: how do you like this shirt... 7 bucks (big grin)

me: [I turn around to see what is a short sleeve shirt but it comes to the elbows, a collar, and thick cotton material, quite nice for here] oh that is nice, but what did you get for Austin?

Mr. Right: [his face falls] this

me: oh, ok. just as long as you know, that shirt is a winter sweatshirt down there

Mr. Right: [looks down, walks away, goes and puts on another shirt] how about this?

me: [I turn around to see a *black* polyester short sleeve with a collar]

Mr. Right: I will wear this

me: yeah, if you like sweating, that will be great

Don't worry, I plan to sneak a few hell appropriate articles of clothing into his suitcase. Because, I'm nice like that.

The honeymoon is so over

2008-08-01T13:18:00.000-07:00

Let me just preface this by saying I want a Kindle bad. B.A.D. I want one so bad that I drool when I think about it. Amazon keeps teasing me with these little Kindle adds they send to my email. Sometimes when I ~~stare~~ look at the picture, it becomes 3D and gravitates out toward me. Then I hear my own voice in my ear "pssst... just buy it, you never treat yourself to electronics". Then I wonder if I am old because I use the word "electronics". I'm sure there is a more appropriate technical name for this gadget. Yes, I work in IT.

me: so your birthday is coming up in a few weeks, what do you want.... gift wise?

Mr. Right: ..... [hasn't fully heard me yet]

me: keep in mind, I got a grill for my birthday

Mr. Right: I want a Kindle

This is where my mock Tai Kwon Do skills kick in. Because, he doesn't mean "I want a Kindle so I can give it to you"... no, he means "I want a Kindle so I can use it in your face"

Summer Classes for Men

2008-07-30T11:50:00.000-07:00

Summer Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTERREGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Friday, August 17th 2008
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVELOF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITEDTO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4 Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Dishwasher?
Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12 How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the a above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Holding the Sun

2008-07-21T11:46:00.001-07:00

Princess holding the sunset on Lake Michigan.

I heart July

2008-07-17T07:20:00.001-07:00

Daddy and Princess, playing in the sand at the beach. Sunshine, light breeze, a typical day on the Great Lakes.

Check out those bulging arm muscles. I think those pipes are about to burst.

If I can do it YOU can do it

2008-07-13T17:44:00.000-07:00

I have never been a crafty person. Cannot. Sew. Period. End. Of. Story.

But wait...

I am a person who, when I put my mind to it, I will figure out a way to get anything done. Anything.

I have always hated to ask people to sew for me (mother, Asian dry cleaning lady, tailor guy who groped me, etc.). Finally caved and took myself to Sears, purchased a Kenmore sewing machine . Read the instructions, actually got it threaded. If you are looking to learn, check out the reviews on it.

Went to Joann Fabrics and got this really cool plaid fabric that goes very well with my bedroom paint. Half off. Uh huh, that's right.

No pattern. I was inspired by The Nester to just wing it. Sew some hems, some edges, the top, a hole for the rod. Then wa la... (yes, those are verticle blinds underneath, shut up - they are going soon).

Can't even believe it. I am so proud of myself. Then I made a matching valance for the attached master bath (the paint is a few shades lighter in there). I even got fancy and put on a fringe. I had to rip this fringe out of the ladies hands at Joann's when she started to ogle it just a little too much.

Mine sucka.

I highly recommend using a plaid pattern to learn to sew on. It made straight lines a no brainer, even for me. And, the Kenmore model 15343 sewing machine.

Somewhere In Time

2008-06-27T14:17:00.000-07:00

The end of our carriage ride. On the way up to the Grand Hotel.

Interesting fact: the Grand Hotel (where we were married) is the hotel where the film "Somewhere In Time" was filmed.

You know, the one where Christopher Reeve goes back in time to be with Jane Seymour.

Big sigh.

Things I can't blog about

2008-06-27T11:16:00.000-07:00

Just so you know, I am not all about shoes, cats, dishes, weddings, and happy things. I choose not to blog about the really bad side of life. However, just to peak your curiosity, here is a list of things I will not blog about.

1. my mother and dementia

2. the ex-boyfriend who died in his sleep this week

3. work (just not a good idea)

4. fibroid tumors suck

5. who did this man's laundry before I moved in?

6. blog trolls

7. what a pain in the back

8. workplace gossip (related to #2)

9. depression

10. insomnia

11. I know he's not listening to me

12. porn

13. religion (that's your problem)

That about sums it up. Some are mine, some are too close to me.

He doesn't know what hissing is for

2008-06-27T10:32:00.001-07:00

When Oliver is playing and he gets really excited, he starts to hiss.

But then, when he isn't feeling well, he will hiss.

He's the most bizarre cat. The other night he jumped into bed and ran up to Mr. Right while we were sleeping, and hissed directly at him. I knew right away this was one of those very occasional sick episodes and I immediately woke up, grabbed him, ran for the hallway.

Just in time for him to throw up Exorcist style at the top of the stairs.

Then he was fine.

Usually he just gets all wiggy and it doesn't involve throwing up. He has had about 6 episodes in his 3 1/2 year life so far.

Shoes that don't kill

2008-06-26T10:04:00.001-07:00

I am the type of person who, once I find a pair of shoes that are both comfy and cute, I will buy a backup pair for when they wear out.

I got these White Mountain (Sofia) wedges at zappos.com and as soon as I put them on, it was like walking on clouds and I swear I could hear angels sing.

I got the black ones and they are perfect for jeans, dress pants, skirts, dresses, whatever. Feminine but still comfy.

Seriously, I can walk all day as if I'm wearing tennies.

So today I went to order another pair. Of course, no more 7 B's.

I did get a pair of bronze/cork and dark brown ones though.

I may never wear another wedge again. If they discontinue this style, I may have to personally hunt down the person responsible and shoot them.

I love IKEA and my new dishes

2008-06-17T13:39:00.000-07:00

Once I get something I love, it takes forever for me to let it go. By forever I mean that I had the same Sango dishes from my hope chest in 1988. Flowers and leaves? They were starting to look like granny's dishes. I mean in 1998 they were starting to.

So in the interest of my new black sparkly granite... I got all this.

Larger plate Regular plate, salad plate, and matching bowl
Some funky polka dot bowls to mix and match with

Serving bowls
Platter Side plates (they are tiny and cute) coffee mugs

I might get a splash of green dishes to mix in. Syntes is the design name.

Getting Discovered

2008-06-17T06:51:00.001-07:00

... and I don't mean for my awesome beauty and talent either.

Princess (out of the blue): so do you know anything about Maddness of Me?

Me: [chin dropped, scalp started to sweat] cough, what?

Princess: I was googling myself the other day and found your thing.

Me: oh really? wow you are getting good at the computer.

Princess: I saw the story about the bra, and me at Disney, um when I shaved my legs, and oh yeah, I didn't know I made you cry.

Me: wow, when I was only 9 I couldn't even say the word bra, that is very mature of you.

Princess: [very self satisfied smile, she is spotting the avoidance tactic]

Me: what else did you read?

Princess: I don't know but I want one of those myself.

Me: you are too young, maybe when you are older, there are too many predators out there for you to be public like that.

Princess: no there isn't

Me: well you sure found me and surprised me didn't you? and you know there are creepy people out there.

Princess: yeah, so.

Me: you wouldn't ever invite a stranger to meet you, right?

Princess: no I just want to show my friends.

Me: maybe when you are older, or maybe a closed one. maybe.

Princess: O.k... but I already know where to kick them if someone tries to grab me.

My blog started out with some personal information. Over time I trimmed back, then went back and removed some items. Mr. Right's name for instance. Our location specifics for another. My spidey sense told me to back off on any snarky remarks about Princess.

I find it hard to remember though because I live my life like an open book.

After this confrontation I went back and took her nickname out. I think she has been trying to find it again and can't.

Sure she will figure it out again.

Just some food for thought for all my friends... she also found some of my comments on other blogs too (via GOOGLE). Don't put other bloggers down. You know who you are.

Again...

2008-06-13T13:35:00.000-07:00

Can you tell I loved my our wedding? It has been 9 months now and I'm starting to get nostalgic. Mr. Right has that look on his face he gets when he is surprised I'm so happy about something.

She made me cry for father's day

2008-06-13T07:44:00.000-07:00

Princess: you know how there is a mother's day and a father's day?

Me: yeah?

Princess: I am going to have a step-mother's day made. Wonder who I talk to about that?

It hit me hard and she doesn't even know it (she's only 9). People have no idea how much I take comments like these and dissect them 9,000 different ways to find the real meaning - what they were really saying, why they said it, why they said it when they said it, what they really want from me, how it fits into the universe, and how it will affect me 50 years from now. Good gawd I'm a freak.

So many random thoughts. Princess calling me from college, Princess with me on my 70th birthday, Princess helping me plant my flowers when the arthritis in my back gets too bad.... Princess checking me into a nursing home. Oh no, wait... not that. Snap out of it.

Watching her life unfold is something I look forward to . It's because she is a girl. A girly girl.

Day 4 - still no power

2008-06-11T07:39:00.001-07:00

Can you feel my pain?

I'm hearing it could be weeks.

So here are some stats:

-number of smores eaten: 8
-number of fights over ice: 1
-number of hours Mr. Right has spent playing with the down tree: 9,000
-number of cocktails consumed: oddly, 0
-number of mosquito bites: 16 (and they are Chernobyl mosquitos)
-number of magazines read: 2
-number of pizzas delivered: 3 (but it takes 2 hours!)
-number of bad hair days: duh, 4
-number of fish dead in the tank: 1
-number of broken book lights: 1
-number of generators Mr. Right has located: 0
-number of liars at the power equipment store: 1 (you said you would have generators yesterday you jive turkey)

yes I got this idea from Fluffy.

You say tornado, I say tornado

2008-06-09T10:50:00.001-07:00

Just when you think this can never happen to you.

Yesterday we were working in the yard (absolutely gorgeous day). I was barbequing some chicken on the grill when I noticed it was starting to look like rain. Seconds later I was out front looking to tell Mr. Right. Just then the hair stood up on the back of my neck. I immediately knew something was wrong, that a tornado was coming. I could hear a roar and the sky went black. But I couldn't find Mr. Right.

Not that I've ever been in a tornado before. I can't explain it. You just know.

Then I ran into the garage just when he was running into the garage from the other side of the house. We were screaming at each other that a tornado was coming - run to the basement (but we couldn't hear each other over the noise).

As we ran into the house and thru the foyer to the basement, we saw that the huge 60 foot tree in the front yard was pulled out by the roots and down. I had been standing there a minute before.

We both flew down the stairs to the basement, but Mr. Right turned around and saw that I was going back up [to go get Oliver just try to stop me]. Poor Oliver was standing there like "what do I do??". I picked him up and his heart was pounding out of his chest. He dug his claws into me and wouldn't let go. I think that is about the time it was over the house.

A minute and a half later... destruction all over the neighborhood. There must be a thousand trees uprooted, gas line breaks everywhere, an RV turned over onto a BMW... etc.

All this took place in a matter of about 5 minutes, tops. Maybe even 3.

No power still today. City Commissioner went around the neighborhood to deliver the bad news - probably no power until at least Friday.

We are looking for a generator, but of course we can't find one.

Again, just because

2008-06-05T13:45:00.000-07:00

Big sigh. Even though we were so totally posing.

If your a fan take this quiz

2008-06-05T13:33:00.002-07:00

I got 100% because that's how I roll.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/24795350/

.... but my SAT scores blew.

Dear Netflix

2008-06-05T13:13:00.001-07:00

I'm about to go gangsta all on you. What's up with not sending me Juno when I've had it first in my que for MONTHS?

I don't want to watch "Flawless" this weekend. Whut?

Seems to me you need to get more copies.

I'm looking into who I write the strongly worded letter to... you don't want to go there.

If you can see me... that is me giving you the stink eye.

ktnx,

Me

The Secret is in The Sauce

2008-06-03T17:10:00.000-07:00

Be sure to checkout Heather and Tiffany at The Secret is in the Sauce. It's a support group for all of you sister bloggers. Their blog promises to bring traffic to your blog for a long life of bloggy bonding. Go girl power!

Sign up TODAY and put the SITC button on your side bar.

Ways to make me laugh

2008-06-03T12:22:00.000-07:00

This morning I smelled gas in our neighborhood. Mr. Right called the gas company which is "Consumers" for us.

When I got to work I had this email from him -

"Consumers said they received over 500 calls this morning. They think it was a release from a factory but not natural gas because they have not detected any leak indications on any of their metering systems. He said he's been checking houses in the area all morning. He came into the house with some kind of yellow meter with a big stem on it and said there was zero detected gas in the home. Except when I farted".

I edited out the part where he told me I'm the most beautiful woman he has ever seen.

Not sure what factory they are referring to out there in the lakes/green acres area.

Sex and The City was AMAZING

2008-05-30T12:35:00.001-07:00

I won't give any spoilers.

Let's just say, my favorite concept of the movie was that in your 20's you have fun, in your 30's you learn lessons, in your 40's you pay the tab.

Truer words were never spoken.

I was surprised how many 20 something little girls were in the audience though? They couldn't possibly 'get' the movie (ie. Samantha celebrating turning 50, when their mothers are probably 50). Maybe syndication has grabbed these fans.

or the sex.

I sat there wondering what they could possibly relate to - other than the fashion. Not really because they were all trying to pass off Candies as Manolo's. It was gross.

My friend Karen and I got tickets to a 7:30 (preview?) yesterday. So we got to see it a day before most other people.

Life is good.

Place holder for big event tonight

2008-05-29T10:15:00.001-07:00

because I'm special that way.

Just Because

2008-05-28T09:40:00.000-07:00

I love this picture.

Coincidence? I think not.

2008-05-27T11:16:00.001-07:00

I was all set to buy this...

A city bike. A hybrid. A not mountain bike. A bike I can ride around and not kill my back or my arse.

Had the money saved. $300.

Yes, I have a very expensive mountain bike. Get over it.

I had it waiting in my shopping cart.

Then, on Sunday night suddenly Oliver appears to be in agony around 10pm and I have to take him to the emergency vet hospital until 3am. Triage. Tests. Pain shot. X-rays. Holiday doctor exam fees.

What was the bill you ask? $300.

This cat is lucky I love him so much. Diagnosis? Have no idea. Definitely was in pain. It passed. This has happened a few times before but to a much lesser degree.

I could cry.

ps: thought about getting this one but I think I will wait until I'm 60.

Tagged

2008-05-22T17:34:00.000-07:00

I got tagged by Mama's Losin' It.

Top 5 things I couldn't do without under $5
- Vogue (duh)
- Edy's slow churned icecream
- kleenex
- generic Day Quil
- generic Ny Quil
(ok I have a RAGEing cold)

Top 5 favorite movies
- Rushmore
- War of the Roses
- Grease
- Bridget Jones
- It's a Wonderful Life

Top 5 baby names you love but probably won't use
- Oliver
- Oliver
- Oliver
- Oliver
- Oliver
(does it count that I used it for my cat anyway?)

Top 5 songs I could listen to over and over again
- David Cook's first hit
- David Cook's second hit
- David Cook's third hit
- David Cook's fourth hit
- David Cook's fifth hit

Top 5 people who have influenced your life in a positive way
- Mr. Right (not just because I have to say him, the guy has skills!)
- My brother in law Gary (dude made me pull his finger now he's a CEO)
- Cheryl S. (a mom I babysat for when a teen)
- Megan C. (a very funny friend I have lost touch with)
- Ed H. (hired me at the bank where I have worked forever)
- Sarah Jessica Parker (I met her I can't leave it at 5)

Top 5 things that stay in your purse at all times
- MAC lipstick
- MAC lip gloss
- prescription strength naproxin sodium (duh)
- allegra D
- my ID badge to get into work

Top 5 moments that changed your life forever
- when my boyfriend David Cook won
- the day after the Tigers won the world series in 1984 (there's a story there)
- getting accepted into my trainee program at work
- when I whispered "nothing" into Mr. Right's ear on our first date (did you just whisper a sweet nothing into my ear?)
- August 20, 2007 at 4 pm on the porch of The Grand Hotel

Top 5 obsessions you have right now
- David Cook (caught on to that one yet?)
- reading the Jen Lancaster book series
- the Sex and The City movie coming
- khama sutra
- salvaging 2200 sq feet of garden that has been let go for 10 years (thanks Mr. Right)

5 places you would like to go
- Europe
- Whaleback Inn
- the beach
- to sleep for 3 days straight while it's raining outside with breaks to read
- northern Michigan

5 people you would like to see their top 5
AFRo
Fluffy Windover
Candid Carrie
Ashley's Closet
Accidental Housewife

Poetic Justice

2008-05-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Last summer around this time I was nervously getting my house prepared to put on the market. I was getting married. I was moving 20 miles away to green acres.

I went with a Century21 realtor guy who seemed to have the highest stats online.

Immediately I found myself filling the flyer box for him. I sent him corrections to the online listing. I took pictures and asked him to replace his with mine. As much as I think my house is perfect and the cutest house in all this quaint highly-sought-after town, my senses told me he listed it for too high. Precious summer months went by while it was listed for too much.

I asked him to lower it. Again. Again. and Again x 10.

Then I was in scary territory where it started to feel like I was about to give my house away. Also, the wedding had passed and my house was just sitting there all alone now (I cried at least once a day about this). Summer was gone. Winter was looming. The holidays were coming fast.

I was a wreck. I don't wish this scenario on my worst enemy.

I told realtor guy "if I go any lower I may as well rent it out".

His response felt like a con "there are so many people leaving the state I can tell you that you won't get what you think for rent".

Really? Hmmmm.

The next day I did get an offer that I countered after rejecting their first officer. Almost a week later I had to hunt my realtor down and he told me, I quote word for word: "I guess they weren't interested in your counter because they haven't called".

About two days later, I was sitting on a conference call with this guy while Mr. Right fired him (I'm such a chicken shit).

We waited for the holidays to be over (and yes, drove the 20 miles through 2 snow storms to get there to shovel snow, oh man). Then decided to list it for rent on Craig's List. Free. Let's see what happens then start investing in other marketing. Deep breath. Submit.

Immediately there was a line for showings. These people made me feel like I wasn't asking enough. I was amazed at how many solid people were in the rental market, unable or unwilling to get a mortgage under the current fiasco (everywhere, not just our state). Looks like this was a nitch my realtor didn't want me to know about.

Went with a girl. Loves gardening. Really respects the fact that I care so much about my house. Thinks the house is the cutest place ever. Is taking great care of it. Wants to reglaze the tub (what does that tell you?). I could go on and on but she has lived there for 4 months now and she is absolutely perfect. Not to mention, paying me rental income that the realtor said I would never get. She is a property manager (which is flattering I guess) with connections to "get stuff done if she needs to".

CUT TO TODAY.....

So we are having new gutters put on our new house. Mr. Right calls Home Depot for an estimate. Who do you think shows up? That's right. My realtor guy. Dressed in an orange Home Depot vest.

When Mr. Right asked why did his name sound so familiar... "you probably heard about me from the real estate market, I quit that because it was just too hard".

Riiiight.

Doing quotes for Home Depot. In your face!

Upside Down Tomato Plant

2008-05-15T10:11:00.001-07:00

I ordered this extremely cool tomato planter from Plow & Hearth. I plan to have tomatoes growing just outside my kitchen on the deck all summer long.

What a great idea. Tomatoes upside down. No staking. No weeding. No squirrels (and trust me, they are a problem here). Makes sense that tomatoes grow upside down more naturally anyway.

Just grab a mater by the door. How sweet.

Tweeners

2008-05-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

There should be some good drama at the our house tonight thru this weekend. It's a Princess weekend (every other).

Mommy called a few days ago. Princess swiped her razor and shaved her legs.

But it took 4 or 5 tries to get her to come clean with it. Grounding is carrying forward to our house (for not telling the truth).

I can't wait to have some fun with this.

I seem to remember that if you shave your legs before puberty, you get hairy ape legs until your 21, or something like that?

I welcome any ideas.

She is also in trouble with her teacher for giving her a big "no way" on writing more poetry - for which she gets chores so it's a win win in my mind (but I hear ya on the poetry girlfriend).

Darn Gap at every mall

2008-05-06T14:35:00.000-07:00

I saw this today at gap.com and my eyes just about popped out of my head. By lunchtime it was mine. A redhead's gotta have a beach hat.

Reasons why I love my husband, item 2

2008-05-06T14:10:00.001-07:00

2) He cracks me up.

Reasons why I love my husband, item 1

2008-05-05T12:35:00.000-07:00

1) Even though he ripped wood trim off the house all day and was tired and sore, he got up from watching TV late last night and made me smores from the grill because I wanted something sweet (both creative AND yummy).

Princess Rules

2008-05-05T10:00:00.001-07:00

She is 9 and from her perspective, she thinks she is turning 29. Wants highlights. Wants eye liner. Doesn't get mommy and daddy's aversion to it. Thinks she is playing me. I'm really playing her. You get the picture.

It's the cutest thing EVER to hear her talk about life. I have the interesting perspective as the step-mother. I'm in the middle, but seem to be on her side. I made the mistake of buying her a padded training bra a few weeks ago. She was exstatic because it was more comfortable than those ride up contraptions that are useless (no, she doesn't even need one yet, but whatever).

Mommy. Not so happy. Called daddy pissed. Threw it away.

Princess did inform me this weekend that she explained to mommy why I bought it (padded) for her (that it had nothing to do with wanting her to look like a Pretty Baby). If I'm not mistaken, it was another of about 15 different lane changes she has made in an attempt to get me to buy her another one.

Daddy... is oblivious.

Me... I'm having fun with her.

Then, there was the American Idol conversation that completely cracked me up. How long has American Idol been around now... like 6 years I think? Princess is 9. So, as far as she is conserned, American Idol has always been around and that is how people become singers and get to have a song played on the radio.

THEN... we actually let her watch her first scary movie. Cloverfield (it was rated PG-13 but not quite appropriate come to find out). She seems to have a facination with scary things, and she is (yes I'm going to say it) very mature for her age, so we watched it with her.

Nightmares? no.

She didn't even blink during the movie.

The only thing that scared her was daddy trying to scare her during the movie.

When I mentioned in the beginning of the movie that maybe it was terrorists that were attacking New York City, she asked me "what is a terrorist, what is that?".

Wow. It hit me. She has missed everything. She is 9, seems so mature compared to her friends... but wow, she has missed everything.

What is in store for her?

Sex and the City is COMING!

2008-05-01T18:11:00.000-07:00

Seriously. Cannot. Wait.

I get all misty just thinking about it. I caught all the girls (and Big) on Oprah today.

May 30th. The countdown begins.

Got my Cosmo shaker ready.

Which one is the kid?

2008-05-01T17:54:00.000-07:00

This was taken at the Disney water park. Princess in the front, Mr Right's sister, then... Mr. Right. Ok, everyone is having fun here - but there is one kid having a little more fun than everyone else? I'm not talking about the 9 year old in the front either.

We don't let him out enough I guess.

Five minutes of fame

2008-04-25T08:27:00.000-07:00

Mr. Right was selected from the audience at Disney to be in this skit.

Now that I see it, I totally get why.

He was made for the part (first on the left).

Two thumbs up dude, way up!